🧡My Orange Heart🧡 [Ch.3: The River]

this brings me to the hardest part

the river

the death

of our only child

you see, the stars...

they had already spoken

and it was not her time

my bluebird

my dream

my little one

it was not her time to live

so she would die

i remember the hours and hours

of screaming and aching

My Love

her puking in the sand

the blood

i held her hand through all of it

and begged her once again

"If there is any other way..."

though I knew the stars had spoken

"So you want to wrestle stars, love?"

she had asked me

days ago

"But I don't understand!" I shouted

I was breaking desperate you see

"I know," she said.

Because she is a woman

and she knows

"I don't know why.

But Time knows

and maybe we will, too

in time."

And so we went together, silently

beside a silent river

a lonely place, where lonely creatures go

and the pain that she endured

the sweat and blood and bile

she screamed with all her body til she quivered

then we held her in our hands!

forever I will remember this

a star within a child in my hands

"This is Life," i said through tears "And you are Love."

and she said "You are Love."

we kissed her and we cried as one

as family

we lost ourselves within her little eyes

she cried and coughed and stretched and gasped

reaching for the whole wide world around

she screamed and screamed and screamed until she slept

our little one

our dream

our bluebird

and then we gave her back

to the water

that silent river

her blood back to the water

her body back to the earth

her star back to the black blue sky

My love and I

we cried

but we could not see eye to eye

I'm shamed to say

I could not look her in the eye

and so I cried alone

as I'm sure she cried alone

wherever it is that she did go

the water rushed on and on and on

I didn't understand then

I still don't understand

In time, one day

I pray I'll understand

My heart broke that day

into a million pieces

my baby's star shines on now through the shards

the light's been painted orange

like sunset in the prairie

like love that falls on everyone who sees

my bluebird's song hums on now in my head

I dream to sing it out

though I don't know yet how to sing it true

and my love...

I am with you still

forever I will be

I know you have a piece

of my orange heart inside you

as I keep a piece of yours here in my chest